Barack Obama and the Dumbest Among Us

Let me be clear: I am sick to death of stupid people. I am rotten to the core with loathing for people who have no idea what they are talking about, but insist on talking. I am done with their misinformation and total lack of reason. It pains me that these people are allowed to vote, and that the dumbest among us have kept our current regime in power for the last eight years. Thank gods, thank gods, the tide is turning against them. Thank gods, thank gods they are beginning to see.

Unfortunately, the dumbest among us have new things to be stupid about.

I'm glad that everybody has the right to vote. I encourage everyone to exercise that right; I would die for your right to vote for George W. Bush, or any other fool you choose. However, I have a request: If you know nothing, if you have never read a book or a newspaper (sports page doesn't count), if you believe everything said in an email or on the internet is true, please SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Ladies and gentlemen of the dumbest among us, allow me to introduce you to a few concepts.

Inductive reasoning is the ability to determine the strength or weakness of an argument based on supporting evidence. Look at these arguments and tell me which is stronger:

1. Barack Obama is probably Christian. He was married in a Christian church, by a Christian minister, to a Christian woman. His children are being raised Christians and attend Christian church with him weekly. He himself has declared his faith to be Christian. He observes Christian holidays.

2. Barack Obama is probably Muslim. I read on the internet that he is. I also saw pictures of him wearing an ethnic costume associated with a Muslim country one time. His middle name is Hussein, and I think it's a Muslim name, but I don't know what it means or where it comes from.

I swear to gods, the next person who insists that Obama is a Muslim in my presence is going to get schooled in logic so hard that they may not be able to watch television ever again.

Even if he were a Muslim, would that make him impossible to vote for? Why do you think that he would hide his faith as though it were something to be ashamed of. Not sure? I'll tell you why: it's because you're a bigot. You think that everyone who isn't like you is WRONG.

Ladies and gentlemen of the dumbest among us, no one is trying to hurt you. The brown people aren't after your land, your guns, or your jobs. Muslims are not trying to take over America by getting a Black Christian American man elected president. You don't have to be afraid of people who don't look like you or don't worship your whitewashed version of Jesus. (FYI, Jesus was a dark-skinned middle eastern hippie, not a white blue-eyed Republican with a Pro-Life bumper sticker on his donkey. Thought you should know.)

Barack Hussein Obama is a brilliant, visionary, Christian man who will most likely be the next president of this great and wounded country. You don't have to like my politics and I don't ever expect to like yours, but please, please, PLEASE, for the love of democracy, LEARN ABOUT YOUR CANDIDATES. Please at least TRY to know what you're talking about before you open your mouth or cast your vote. Don't believe everything people tell you. Don't be a tool.

Will the dumbest among us please shut up?